flashes of brilliance?

The first time I was flashed I was in kindergarten. A repulsive little boy named Cory Spackman stood up on my desk and dropped trou right in my face. My little old lady kindergarten teacher was surprisingly wily and snatched him off my desk and spanked his bare butt before most of the kids in the class even had a clue that anything was afoot. I didn't know it at the time but that was the first in a long line of men (or boys in this case) showing me their junk.

The second time I was flashed was by far the most disturbing. I was in first grade and my friend Michelle and I were riding our bikes in a church parking lot, pretending that we were on Dukes of Hazard. We were arguing over who got to be Daisy when a man got out of his car at the opposite end of the parking lot and started jogging. Unfortunately, this man was not out for exercise but out to expose himself. He was dresses in normal jogging clothes but his penis was poking out of his shorts. He was jogging toward us but was still quite far away when Michelle decided she should apprise him of his penile situation and headed off in his direction on her bike. I stayed put and watched in horror at what unfolded. I could hear her talking to the man and thought how ridiculous this situation was, and that what we should be doing was getting the BLEEP out of there. I heard her say,
"Did you know your dick is hanging out?"
and heard him reply
"Yeah, do you want to touch it?"
As she was telling him that she did NOT want to touch it, he grabbed her by the arm and touched his penis to her bare arm. She started freaking out and I started coming over, when the man ran back to his car and drove away.
Michelle's house was right next to the parking lot and we booked it to her house to tell her mom what had happened. Michelle's mom called the police, who asked us all kinds of uncomfortable questions and thanked us for reporting what we had seen.
After talking to the police, I rode my bike the short distance to my house. For some reason I didn't really want to tell my mom what had happened. I guess I was embarrassed by it. When I did tell her about the incident, I was surprised to find that her reaction to me being flashed by an adult man was to yell at me and to tell me never to do it again. Ummmmm...this was my fault? I couldn't figure out HOW it was my fault but judging by my mom's reaction, I could tell that it definitely was.
That was the last time I told my mom that I had been flashed.

The next time I was flashed happened in Mexico City when I was 16. I was there with a small group from school, staying in a rather frightening hotel too near the Zona Rosa (the red light district). The elevators in the hotel were slow and creaky so we would often use the stairs instead. The stairs in this hotel, unlike stairs in most hotels, were not in a separate area closed off by doors. The stairs went through the middle of the hotel, and as we went down them, the doors of the individual rooms were about 3 feet away. As I came down the stairs, I heard a man clear his throat and when I looked in the direction the noise had come from, what I saw made me start taking the stairs 3 at a time. In the doorway of one of the rooms stood not one, but two fat naked Mexican men. Needless to say, after that I took the elevator.

The next time I saw a naked man in public, it was less of a flashing than a publicity stunt. Apparently, this man in Germany named Ernie is famous for doing things in the nude. I think the guy just wanted some attention and would show up in various places without any clothes on. When I saw him I was walking down the street in Berlin with some friends and before I could see him very well, I could tell he was naked. I had developed a sort of sixth sense for discerning nudity before it became obvious. Anyway, Ernie was riding a bike toward me and my friends and I said to my friends, "That dude is naked!" and they argued that he was just shirtless and that I was being ridiculous. I let them think what they wanted...I knew the man was naked. It wasn't until he was a few feet away from us that my friends realized that I was right. When he turned a corner and we saw him from the side, it was very clear that he wasn't wearing a thing...not even a sock.

My next flashing took place when I was in college, on a Friday or Saturday night. My friend Sarah and I were walking east on fifth north, past a house on the corner when the door suddenly opened and about 20 men came running out, butt naked and screaming at the tops of their lungs. Well, we had to investigate this one. We followed them into the park and asked them what they were doing in the middle of the night in a park, wearing nothing. I don't remember the answer but I do remember that we ended up joining them at their house for a little while. No, nothing inappropriate happened. Geez, it's not like I hadn't seen it before.

The rest of my flashings have been via text message. For some reason men seem to think that if you are willing to give them your phone number then it's ok for them to send you pictures of their genitals. F.Y.I. all you men out there...it isn't.